COPD, heart disease and lung cancer. What a life! To be fair I am over 70 so most of these things are not a surprise but still, it does change your outlook. New thoughts coming soon.
I have been in sort of a daze, thinking about what is next for me. My wife asked me was there anything that I wanted to do before there comes a time when I can’t do much, and I was unsure. Knowing you have cancer and will not be around in a few years is good in many ways but not so good in others. Many projects that I had on my list will not get done or even get started. Things that I was going to buy will not be bought and my list of projects has gotten more focused than ever.
Over the past Covid-19 year, many people have reevaluated their lives and are making changes to live for themselves and family and not for the job. While the jobs provide me with life long income, when the life is shortened the money does not mean as much. There are times when I wish I would have followed my desires to become a farmer and then I realize that my life would have been in a different location and one that I would not have enjoyed.
My wife says that things happen for a reason and I’m thinking she is correct.
“In the House, Reps. Joyce Beatty (D-Ohio) and John Katko (R-N.Y.) are drafting a letter to the Biden administration asking for an updated timeline on the Tubman move, according to a congressional aide familiar with the effort who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss private plans.” from the Washington Post June 2, 2021.
Can’t you just pick up the phone and ask the folks? You have to “draft” a letter. Really?
I thought I’d make this a separate category so I don’t get jumbled thoughts.
On June 3, 2021 we established that I’m 99% sure that I have non small cell lung cancer. We are not 100% sure because we can’t do a biopsy without taking the risk of dying on the table. So I have decided to forgo treatment and let this just run it’s course. Of course I’d like to live but doing chemo is not my idea of living. It is now about the size of a silver dollar and not growing very fast so we will continue with life.
Our new lawyer is working on the will etc., and that will be finished soon. It is somehow refreshing to know that it is time to get your stuff together as the time left is limited. I’d like to make 50 years married to my wife (2 years to go) and can only work towards making that dream come true.
It has been awhile but I am accepting things as they are and planning for what future may be left. I will find out Thursday if the tumor has grown and with that get a little better fix on time left. I want to make it to 50 years married but time will tell.
Not quite sure where to begin but my doctor is pretty sure I have lung cancer. I say pretty sure because where things are located make it dangerous to do a biopsy. There are three ways to do the biopsy all could result in a collapsed lung which could not be inflated and would probably result in death. So we will wait a few months to see if this spot grows. We did do a pet test and it is a valid spot and not a shadow or something and it is in a place where lung cancer usually starts. We could cut out the lower lobe that it is on but as my COPD has trashed the top part of my lungs, my quality of life would not be pretty.
We will have a better idea of how long I will have by the middle of June. So now we make preparations for death. All those things that need to be done like wills, power of attorney and disposal of body. And then there is what to do with all the stuff as I would not not my wife and family to have to deal with getting rid of stuff that is worth serious money. Things like a tractor and attachments, coin collections and tools.
So I start with making arrangements with cremation facilities, lawyers and junk haulers. We you live on acres of land you have junk piles of stuff you might one day use (but never do). I also have to let my child know as he lives on the other side of the country and it will be a little bit of a mess for him as his mother just will not care about much. Life is fun until you die, but it is not too bad if you have advance notice.
More to come…
So today I put some pants on for the first time in a while and reintroduced my self to my infection area (belly) and the fun of having a belt going across it. Being the wimp that I am, I quickly decided to put my sweat pants on and forget about the pants thing for a little longer.
I am beginning to think that we need a method for the people to vote on the things that we want as congress can’t seem to do anything but fight and get nothing done. I am going to think this idea through but we can’t keep going on like this as nothing gets done. I also don’t like paying these folks for doing nothing for the people they are supposed to represent.
On a lighter note, I did some weeding and started to decide what and where I would plant things this year. I also will be starting to grow some tomatoes and egg plants inside so that I can do some harvest early in the summer. Can’t put them outside as we still get below freezing most every night. It will get better in April. We are still eating the butternut squash from last year and it is getting sweeter as time passes. I usually harvest it and then wait at least two months for it to sweeten.
All for now, goodnight.
Been gone for a little while so here is the update. Thought I had a bug bite and scratched it one too many times and ended with a large infection that led to a nasty sickness. Whatever it was started with (bug or just an itch), I will have a scar about the size of a quarter when this is over. Pain, fever etc is over now with just this scab that is healing. Had to take lots of antibiotics but now am much better.
On a happier note, it was 57 degrees F yesterday with a pretty sunny day. Of course today it is 45 Low tonight around 35 and rain all day and night. Still, spring is coming and I am excited to work in the garden soon.
So the last few days have been spent clearing snow so that we could at least get out if we needed to go somewhere. While I have seen worse amounts of snow outside my window, 16 inches is still time consuming to deal with the you have 200 feet of driveway. It has started to melt and in a few days will be gone (for awhile). While it sure is pretty, if you need emergency services and they can’t get to you bad things can happen.
It is the price you pay for living in the woods. You just have to be sure you are set up to live for a week or so without power or being able to go anywhere. We have to deal with snow, ice and wind storms, as well as earthquakes and flooding. While not as bad as some places, it is a fact of life here that you have to be prepared.
Our state legislature has been working hard over zoom and have been sending emails to tell us how great they are for fighting for our rights. I have gotten tired of all the fighting (red vs blue) and now send them emails saying if they don’t start working together I will not vote for them. This is becoming a theme around here as folks are just tired of all the bull_ _ _ _.
The federal government is just as bad so they pretty much get the same treatment. Most people have become independents as they are tired of it as well and will vote the best candidate rather than vote by party. Hopefully this will work and they will get back to working for us.
So break time is over, back to work.
As I sit here looking out the window, I see about 13 inches of snow. It has fallen off and on for the last three days and is quite beautiful. It however not conducive to travel. My wife had an outpatient procedure on Thursday and we got home just as the snow started.The weather report says there is a chance of more snow tonight and tomorrow. But on Monday, the temperature will be above freezing and it will rain so lots of the snow will be gone by Tuesday.
Some of the things I like about snow are the plain white beauty covering the trees and grass and the silence it brings. The birds don’t think much of it as it makes food harder to find. The snow plow drivers like all the overtime it causes while they clean the roads and pile snow up in front of your driveway. The big payoff is that the children love to play in it and build snow men, and that is good to bring fun into their lives.
I’ve been thinking about trying to write a novel. I was once told that before a man dies he should father a child, build a house and write a book. I’ve done the first two so maybe I should get busy on the third before I die. I’m thinking it would be a thriller but not sure yet. Time I fear, is not on my side for this last act of my life.